It been a while since I wrote, sorry.
It will go down in history as the weekend of waivers. And No it doesn't have anything to do with my fantasy football team (who got their asses kicked Sunday).
Contrary to popular belief, or her family lineage, my mother is not crazy…just adventurous. She told me years ago on the phone. "When I turn 60, I wanna jump out of a plane"
I rolled my eyes and flipped to another TV channel on mute. "Yeah okay," I said knowing full well it would probably never happen. But then she kept mentioning it.
"I'm gonna do it I'm serious." Yeah, Yeah, I thought to myself. She was definitely locked into the fact that some day it would happen. Then my cousin Annie got married in sunny southern Florida (isn't it all southern really). My mom went down there and spent a few days lazing around the beach and yucking it up in the bungalows. There was parasailing there and of course she jumped at the idea. Now parasailing is nothing. Its almost like diet sugar free skydiving and I figured it might curb her appetite. In my mind I'm thinking good, now I don't have to throw her out of a plane. Wrong!
Now she wanted to do it even more. So her 60th birthday came up two weeks ago and she had planned a trip to come and see me. As luck would have it my brother James was doing some of them Bill Shakespeare plays in San Diego. So he planned to come up and join us. It's so rare that we get to all get together. Even though the whole family wasn't there (her husband Fred and another of my brothers Darrell were not there.) It was still gonna be way worth it.
Skydiving is one of those things that you plan and never think it will actually happen. The car will break down on the way, or the wind will pick up and they will cancel it. But Nope. No such luck.
We left around nine thirty in the morning for a noon appointment, in the desert. It was hot as balls. (why are balls considered hot?) It felt like the earth was being punished. We signed our lives away and laughed at the video which states quite clearly you can be killed doing this and we are not responsible. Sign here, here, here, here, here, here, initial here, here and here, and sign and date here. Then you fill out the form that states what car in the lot is yours and where they can find the keys should you be dead. Then you make a video stating that you are aware of the risks, have read the paperwork, signed everything and are doing this of your own free will. Which feels a little bit like you should be denouncing the government the whole time while blinking save me in Morse code. Of course my brother did his in a Scottish accent so if he would have been killed we could have sued and said he wasn't in the right frame of mind. It's just a theory mind you, but I think it might be a loophole in the whole thing.
Anyway we suited up in our flattering flight suits, got the 5 minute run down from the instructor. You don't need much instruction when your doing tandem, which we all were. Seriously if you're gonna do this, go tandem, you don't have to worry about any of the technical stuff to save your life, its just a thrill ride at that point. After the quick instruction we were sent off to the plane. Where you see signs that say beware! Propellers can rip off heads…Awesome.
We loaded into the plane with a bunch of enthusiastic jumpers and in a loud ass whining of Prop engines we were off. Mom looked excited, she claims there was no fear at all just excitement of doing something she always wanted too. The boys in the plane yucked it up with each other and grabbed quick meals of power bars and bottled water. For some of them it was their 6th or 7th dive that day. I realized at that moment just how blasé they were about the whole thing. Falling out of a plane is just their jump. Then I noticed, everyone had a helmet except us. "Do I need a helmet?" I said to my guy.
"I hope not," he says with a smile.
When we got to 13,000 feet the entire back of the plane opened up like a bond movie. Within moments, a shit load of people leaped out at the same time, (shitload is a technical term for a lot.) It threw the plane for a loop as a 1000 pounds had just fallen off it. It's at this point you realize exactly what you are about to do. You can't think about it. You just wait till it's your turn, walk to the door and step out. Which I did.
You flip and spin for a moment and before you know what's happened you are screaming towards the earth face first and spread eagle like a cat. You free fall for about 40 seconds at around 120 miles an hour. They call it Terminal Velocity, I call it fucking amazing. I kept checking my altimeter and as we reached 6000 feet I reached back and felt for the ball. (no Jokes please, I did have a man strapped to my back after all.)
I pulled it.
The parachute makes a lot of noise as it comes out, but nothing happens, for a brief instant you say to yourself, It is working right? Then Wham. You're slammed into your harness as the chute bites air and fills.
Then it's a leisurely float to the earth as you enjoy the view. He let me control the chute for a bit and then took control and threw us into a few spins. Which was where my stomach said, Not today unless you want to see that breakfast again. So I warned him breakfast was knocking on the door and I didn't want it to rain vomit in the desert. He obliged and we safely quietly floated back to earth, The closer we got to ground the hotter it got, and with the adrenaline pumping through your body it was overwhelmingly hot.
Mom landed about 30 seconds after me and had the biggest smile I have ever seen.
So that's what we did on our moms 60th birthday…What will you do on yours?
MM
Heres the pics.

